How to build resilience and regain hope
Strength in the face of adversity
Text: Rachel L
Life’s no walk in the park - after all, the ongoing pandemic is more than sufficient to demonstrate how life’s many curveballs can hit when least expected. Though we’re unable to choose which storms we’re forced to weather, we can at least have a say in how we face them. Stories of individuals surviving and even emerging stronger from their personal infernos are plenty and serve as inspiration as we toil through our own personal struggles. Drawn from people from all walks of life, a common trait that shines through each tale has examples of resilience.
The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress—such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors”. They also highlight that resilience does not simply mean being able to face tough challenges but also involves profound personal growth while working through these trials.
It’s also important to remember that being resilient doesn’t refer to being numb and devoid of pain and emotional distress. And while the stories we hear of battles triumphed and obstacles overcome seem irreplicable in our own lives, the truth is that resilience is a trait that can be fostered in us all.
According to The American Psychological Association, focusing on four core components- wellness, connection, healthy thinking, and meaning- are crucial to building resilience. Our list below provides practical guidelines on how to do this.
Wellness
Adopt healthy lifestyle choices
When speaking of resilience, we tend to focus immediately on the mental and emotional. However, ensuring our physical wellbeing can also go a long way when dealing with adverse situations. Maintaining good habits like getting sufficient sleep and exercising regularly, which stimulates endorphin production (chemicals that serve as natural painkillers and mood elevators), reduces stressors and fatigue.
2. Don’t succumb to negative outlets
When faced with emotional distress, anxiety, or heartache, the temptation to use outlets such as drugs, alcohol, or other substances to escape the pain can be very strong. However, such methods only provide a quick, temporary fix that will do you more harm than good in the long run. A better, more enduring solution would be to seek out ways to manage and gradually overcome these emotions with other long term methods.
Healthy thinking
Maintain an honest and positive perspective
Overwhelming challenges have a tendency to trap us in a fog of negativity that, at times, skews our view of the situation. Identifying irrational thoughts — for example, magnifying difficulties — and adopting a more realistic and healthy mindset will help you to clear the mental haze. A simple practice to help tackle pessimistic mindsets or stress would be to implement a short period of time for meditation each day. Found to help reduce emotional distress and provide long-term health benefits, meditation allows us to detach from spiraling thoughts and calm our minds, grounding us in the midst of stressful situations. Others have also found keeping a gratitude journal effective in maintaining a positive outlook. The action of writing allows us to process our thoughts and direct our brain on the positive aspects of our lives.
2. Be compassionate to yourself
Unhealthy levels of self-criticism can leave you feeling discouraged, helpless, and emotionally drained while failing to provide any effective solutions. Understand that everyone (yes, even you!) is allowed to have down days and have negative emotions. Allow yourself time to feel these emotions instead of suppressing them, and then look at what simple things in life bring you joy – could it be watching the sunrise, cooking a new recipe, talking to friends, cleaning the house (!), dipping your feet in the ocean?
3. Seek out help for your mental health
A 4-year research study on Chinese university students discovered a unique relationship between resilience and mental health. While in the short-run (1 year) resilience proved itself as an effective predictor of mental health, the study found that in the long run (2 years and above), students’ mental health affected their resilience. Researchers discussed that in order to avoid the “Matthew Effect”, where the ‘stronger’ get stronger and the ‘weaker’ get weaker, individuals with lower baseline mental health levels should be provided with professional help, to overcome it and grow more resilient. For professional assistance, individuals struggling with mental health can check out our list of recommended professionals from life coaches to psychiatrists.
Connection
Prioritise relationships
According to a report by the United State’s National Scientific Council on the Developing Child in 2015, every child who was able to overcome childhood trauma possessed at least one stable and committed relationship with an adult. Continue on into adulthood and deep emotional bonds still play a crucial role in providing support, love, and confidence for us, especially in the face of adversity. Don’t stinge on the time you set aside to cultivate relationships with those around you. This could involve simple practices such as eating dinner with your family daily or properly scheduling a weekly lunch date or zoom with a close friend. If you’re looking for a platform to find new friends and build new connections, joining a community centered around your interests, such as tennis, art, writing workshops is a great means to meet like-minded individuals.
2. Don’t isolate yourself
Traumatic events can drive people into seclusion which can lead to detrimental results. While the desire to withdraw is completely understandable and needing time to process your emotions is natural, don’t forget to accept the help and support that those around you are offering you. Always seek out a mental health professional for expert advice.
Meaning
Be proactive
As mentioned earlier, understanding your limitations is important but working towards overcoming them is as well. Setting realistic goals for your own personal development and then incorporating systems to reach them is a good place to start your journey of growth. Even celebrating the smallest accomplishments can help hugely with fulfilment and mental health. For example, if you’re hoping to work more efficiently and get more jobs done, setting a specific time frame for tasks and evaluating your performance can help you identify unhelpful habits that you might need to change to increase your productivity. With work-from-home being the “new normal”, take the opportunity to use your greater autonomy over your time to cultivate personal growth.
2. Provide opportunities to stretch yourself
Resilience is like a muscle that grows stronger through constant resistance. In order to develop it, you can take small steps each day to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Are there any fears that you feel crippled by or skill sets that you need to bolster? Make the effort to place yourself in situations that challenge you to face these personal limitations. Of course, remember to be patient and gentle with yourself throughout the entire process.
