Love is not tourism - How young couples keep the spark alive during the pandemic
The pandemic has forced couples across the globe into long distance relationships with seemingly no end in sight. Hear from two young couples on how they keep the spark alive and cope with worldwide travel restrictions
Text: Rebecca Morais
Lily & Daniel in Norway
When Singapore announced the launch of Vaccinated Travel Lanes (VTLs) across an increased number of countries, including Australia, Germany, and the United States, a collective state of ‘finally! was felt across the island. But as we’ve learnt through living with Covid for two years — you never really know what’s next. With the recent emergence of the Omicron variant, many are still exercising caution when it comes to traveling.
For young couples in long-distance relationships, however, this seesaw of yes-and-no coupled with limited financial resources, has made maintaining a relationship particularly challenging. Campaigns such as #Loveisnottourism have been trending on social media, and with over 2,000 members in the Love is Not Tourism Singapore Facebook group, it seems that a substantial portion of people are struggling with the same long-distance woes (including this writer whose last relationship was quickly extinguished by pandemic restrictions, amongst other circumstances magnified by being apart).
The Soothe speaks to two young women in Singapore who have made their transnational relationships work amidst the chaos. They have spent hundreds of days apart from their partners, who live in different countries and time zones. First, we have Trissha (T), a 24-year-old admissions officer whose partner, Marcus, is the same age and works in the US in sales. Our second interviewee is Lily (L), a 27-year-old preschool teacher. Her partner, Daniel, is a Master’s student currently residing in Norway.
Paper airplane (Image credits: Rakicevic Nenad)
Years of unmet plans
How long have you been apart?
T: 2.5 years — since May 2019.
L: Miraculously, we managed to get Daniel to Singapore last year, so right now, we’ve only been apart for two months. We don’t have a specific timeline of how much longer we will be doing long-distance as he is trying to get a job in Norway. It could be for a few more years!
What’s the longest you’ve been apart?
T: Almost two years, from September 2019 to August 2021.
L: 11 months! That was heartbreaking.
Re-kindling the spark from afar
How do you keep the spark going during a long distance relationship?
T: Nightly FaceTime video/audio calls. We try to FaceTime video at least every other night or every night if we can.
L: We have lots of video calls. What tends to work for us is just making time for each other. Every Sunday, we organise dates where we eat our meals over video calls and watch a movie or shows on Netflix Party. It’s nice to have something to look forward to every week, and I look forward to Sundays a lot!
What are the challenges you face with your partner, and how do you deal with them? Any tips for our readers?
T: Fighting over small things we otherwise wouldn’t fight about if we weren’t doing long distance (eg. if one of us has a busy weekend and cannot call for a few days). Understanding that our fights are exacerbated by the situation rather than any personal traits helps us overcome the issues because we know it’s temporary and push through it.
L: I like my partner to be involved in my life, and I want the same. This was incredibly challenging being apart. Even though we talk every day, there are essential parts of the day we miss out on. This fosters insecurity.
Being apart is already so difficult, and if you don’t trust your partner and you constantly have doubts, it gets tiring, and honestly, it gets you nowhere. It can also add more strain to the relationship. It’s hard to trust your partner 100%, especially with the time difference and being apart for most of the year.
Communicate, communicate and communicate! No matter how far apart and how long, we always share. Even if the conversations are difficult, talk through them. We work together to reassure, support one another and stay positive.
I don’t know if I have a specific tip, but I saw a quote once, and I love it so much. “Distance means so little when the person means so much.” The distance can make me feel so crazy and alone, and that’s scary, but nothing beats that when I see my partner for the first time after being apart.
Trissha & Marcus in Switzerland
Staying positive despite the distance
How do you keep your mental health in check?
T: I stopped focusing on the negatives of long distance instead of the positives. Since borders have opened up, we try to see each other every few months like we originally planned and travel to a new country to explore together. I’ve also been able to dedicate myself fully to my personal growth and career!
L: I try to do lots of things that make me happy. I like to hang out with friends, and I do that a lot. Sometimes, I enjoy being by myself.
Exercising also really helps me! I love to exercise and keep healthy. Eating healthy helps and getting groceries, then cooking myself a healthy meal. I’m not a fantastic cook, so mastering a meal makes me feel accomplished.
I also try to explore new activities. I love walking. It’s so calming. There are so many things happening in SG. I’ll explore those and share my experience with my partner on Sundays.
While the road isn’t easy, these two young couples are proof that trust, communication, and positivity can make long-distance work, and also create healthy long-lasting relationships. We wish them all the best and look forward to a cuddly reunion soon. Are you also in a long distance relationship? Share your stories with us at hello@thesoothe.co.
