Finding common ground: How to practice cultural sensitivity
Whether you're in an interracial relationship or simply want to live more consciously, here’s how you can be more mindful and create a more harmonious space.
Text: Rebecca Morais
Celestine & Benjamin
Diversity is what makes Singapore, Singapore — this "little red dot" is home to various ethnicities and culturally diverse individuals. Cultural heritage is an integral part of a Singaporean's identity and diversity forms the backbone of its heritage. So much so that 18.2% of the marriages in Singapore are inter-ethnic marriages. So whether you're in an interracial relationship or are invited to the countless festive parties around this time, it's important to be mindful and conscious of each other's cultures so you can be prepared to show respect and be aware of any cultural differences.
We'd previously chatted to Vanessa Heng, a clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, who shared how to navigate Chinese New Year traditions. This time, we take on a more anecdotal perspective as two young Singaporean women share their experiences in intercultural dating, specifically around the festive period.
First, we have Celestine (C), an Indian of the Roman Catholic faith whose partner Benjamin is Chinese of Protestant background. Our second interviewee is ‘Alina’ (name amended for privacy - A), who is half English and half Malay does not practise any religion but comes from a Muslim household. Her partner ‘Kenny’ (name amended for privacy- K) is French and ¼ Chinese; K’s family is Catholic but he is not religious.
Couples during the festive period
Finding the commonalities amongst the contrasts
What are some of the cultural differences you have observed?
A: Different cultural upbringing - I grew up mostly in Asia while he spent most of his time in Belgium, and we also had different pre-uni educational systems — I attended a local school in Singapore that was very academic-driven while he attended an Arts school in Belgium.
C: To be honest, not that much given that we live in Singapore and we have all somewhat become immersed in other cultures. The biggest difference is the kind of food we eat at home. My mum likes to cook more Indian food, whereas his family cooks more Chinese cuisine.
What are some of the cultural similarities you've observed?
A: We are both Singaporeans, so a shared culture and mutual appreciation for anything Singaporean comes from food to festivities. We are both also considered minorities in Singapore, which immediately bonds us and creates a sense of belonging.
C: Both of us are Christians, so in that sense, we do have similarities in terms of morals and beliefs.
Celestine & Benjamin
Open-mindedness and curiosity foster stronger bonds
How have festive occasions (Christmas/NY/CNY) been like for both of you? What festive occasions do you celebrate?
A: We celebrate Christmas together, which is great as we can enjoy time with each other's families.
His grandmother hailed from Sabah, Malaysia, and his family worked in Indonesia. Hence, he already had prior knowledge of Hari Raya and appreciates Malay festivities and traditions. This is great as my family can invite him and his family to enjoy the occasion without feeling like it is extremely new or foreign to them.
C: We both mainly celebrate Christmas, so there was nothing new for us there. One day at his parents and another at mine. We also celebrate Chinese New Year. For most of my life, I have been exposed to Chinese culture given the schools I've been in, and therefore it wasn't that difficult getting used to how he and his family celebrate Chinese New Year.
How can you be more culturally sensitive around these occasions? Tips for our readers, please!
A: Understand the story behind the cultural events, for example, why they celebrate it and its importance. Take the opportunity to ask not just your partner but their family members questions to learn from them, and their traditions and history. This will help foster a more profound cultural connection altogether.
C: I don't have any tips here, but people need to stop telling us that our Chindian baby will look really cute!
What challenges do you face adapting to a multi-cultural relationship, and what have you learned?
A: Understanding different mannerisms and etiquette as they can vary across cultures. For example, I am not used to greeting people with a kiss on the cheek (like the French do) but adapt whenever I am in Europe.
C: I think the main challenge is more about what other people think of our relationship than what we face as a couple. Interracial marriages are still somewhat taboo in Singapore (albeit getting better), but people still look at us a certain way when we walk down the streets. I've learned to ignore them and focus on my relationship.
The young couples seem to focus on similarities, embrace differences and adapt to new experiences with mutual respect and understanding. Are you, too, in a multi-cultural relationship? Have you experienced intolerance or adversity? Please share your stories with us at hello@thesoothe.co.
