7 Green Flags in Relationship

As we are celebrating love during this time of the year, we like to note the special connections we make, whether you’ve been struck by cupid’s arrow or finding meaning to the platonic relationships in your life - Here are 7 green flags in a relationship, so you know you’ve got a keeper.

Text: Rebecca Morais and Sophia Goh

Couple lying down

We like to note the special connections we make, whether you’ve been struck by cupid’s arrow or finding meaning to the platonic relationships in your life. We also draw insight from Sophia Goh, a professional counsellor and psychotherapist in Singapore.

Here are 7 green flags in a relationship, so you know you’ve got a keeper.

Having someone you’re comfortable leaning on is a green flag

1. Communication is open and comfortable

You’ve undoubtedly heard that open communication is beneficial to all successful relationships, even if that means talking through disagreements. It’s healthy when each partner knows the major events in each other’s histories, likes and dislikes, life goals, worries, and dreams. Respectful, constructive communication and effort to communicate these is a massive green flag. “Good conflict management is where both partners can engage in a healthy dialogue during conflict situations”, says Sophia.

2. Compromise doesn’t feel like work

If communication is open, you might not feel like conflict feels like conflict. Both of you are more likely to be able to reach a compromise that is understood fully by everyone involved, and as such, less likely to cause problems further down the line. Sophia comments that compromise is definitely important for a successful relationship, given that conflicts will definitely arise in any relationship. In fact, research from The Gottman Institute shows that 69% of conflicts that couples have are perpetual problems - fundamental differences in personalities or lifestyles that couples return to over and over again. Therefore, the ability to have healthy dialogue and come to some form of acceptance over these irresolvable issues will go a long way.

Motivating one another to achieve your goals

3. You feel completely empowered 

Self-growth is just as important as being able to grow with your partner. When you get comfortable in a relationship, it is easy to resist trying new things or chasing better opportunities. If your partner is empowering you, motivating you, and encouraging you to reach your full potential, it’s a really positive aspect of your relationship. Similar to friendships, if your friends are not jealous of your success and want to see you do well in life, they’re keepers.

4. You are challenged to be a better version of yourself

If your partner or friends really believe in you and your dreams and want to help you achieve them to the best of your ability, this is a massive green flag. It’s especially motivating if they are passionate about a particular aspect of their life, whether their career or personal goals. They encourage you to follow your dreams and also grow as a person.

Being each others’ cheerleaders

5. Your interest is supported and encouraged

We aren’t saying you and your partner will or should have similar interests and hobbies, it is completely normal that not all of them overlap. However, if your interests are supported or fed, that’s a positive sign. The relationship does not involve one merged person, but two individuals. In friendships too, we should support and encourage one another – be each others’ cheerleaders.

6. Your boundaries and space are respected

Although it’s amazingly convenient when both your social groups overlap, it’s also incredibly healthy to have space as well as boundaries set between both partners. A green flag in your relationship is setting your own boundaries. “Boundaries are an essential part of all relationships, not just romantic relationships. Although different people have different boundaries that are shaped by our past experiences, cultural backgrounds, and family-of-origin, boundaries help us to set limits with others in order to protect ourselves and to communicate with other people what is acceptable and not acceptable for us.” says Sophia Goh.

You feel loved for who you are

7. You can be yourself in its truest form

Whether you’re silly or weird or sometimes a little stinky – it’s all normal, and your partner accepts you. You don’t feel like you have to play a role, and you’re yourself in your most authentic form. You also feel like you aren’t judged with your values, beliefs and opinions.

About Sophia Goh

Sophia Goh is a professional counsellor and psychotherapist in Singapore. She holds a Master of Arts in Counselling and Guidance and is the founder of Sofia Wellness Clinic. She is passionate about helping individuals lead successful, fulfilling, and well-meaning lives – one that they would be eager to jump out of bed for. Sophia believes that seeking support for our mental health should be as accessible and as normal as going to the gym or getting a haircut