How the pandemic affected our sex lives and how we can cope with the new normal
From more couple time together to single-dating life – how did the pandemic really affect how much action we got?
Text: Shin Yee Koh
Rekindling your passion with your partner (Credits: Pexel)
The lockdowns and restrictions brought on by Covid-19 may have put a halt on the dating scene for singles, but it seems like some couples are happier than ever, and reinvigorating their previously stagnant sex life.
This could be partially attributed to the fact that couples who cohabit are forced into confinement with each other, occasionally for months on end. They have more opportunities to spend quality time with one another and strengthen their bond by communicating and working through previously repressed issues or concerns in the relationship.
In general, this has also led to an increased focus on their partner’s mental health, with 47% of participants in Singapore stating that they were better able to take care of their partner’s well-being. In fact, 72.5% of those surveyed reported to having sex 1 to 5 times a week, which marks a 3.3% increase when compared to before the pandemic.
“Many of my clients have rediscovered a positive expression of their intimacy and sexuality,” says Dr. Oberdan Marianetti, a certified psychologist and a clinical sexologist who opened his first clinic in Singapore in 2015 to serve the local community.
Losing sexual interest in your partner after the ‘honeymoon period’ is a myth that’s been debunked over and over again. Dr. Oberdan believes that you only start to do so when you both stop investing in each other.
Remaining present, and paying attention to the little ways your partner is constantly evolving every day is instrumental to keeping your relationship alive and healthy. Failing to pay attention to these ongoing changes — including the sexual ones — and waiting until the differences have become large enough to create friction is simply bad behaviour. Couples should recognise the need to choose each other every single day, with curiosity, care, love, and respect. Small investments like this create a higher likelihood that the relationship can continue healthily.
Being alone during this pandemic can be hard (Credits: Pexel)
Covid-19 has been kind to couples, but young adults who are unattached haven’t been faring well during this time. Restrictions, safe distancing, and going into lockdowns have made dating harder and more laborious than it was before. Personally, all my girlfriends bemoan about ‘not being able to properly enjoy their youth’ with all the restrictions taking away the joys of meeting people organically.
Dating apps like OkCupid, Bumble, and Tinder are experiencing an influx of users like never seen before. However, it can take weeks or months to bring a budding romance off our phones and into real life. On top of all that, social distancing, lockdowns, and social responsibilities play a crucial role in deterring people from leading a healthy sex life with a partner.
In addition to that, the pandemic has only exacerbated problems with online dating that have been bubbling up in recent years. Though dating apps increase your pool of potential partners, they can make dating feel impersonal, while also increasing the risk of being lied to or sexually harassed. Being spoiled for choice is an actual problem in the online dating scene.
If you can relate to all of these problems, or can sense an impending sense of hopelessness or dread looming over you, we completely feel you.
At the same time, however, Dr. Oberdan also believes that we’ve also been gifted with an amazing opportunity to become more closely acquainted with our own self-expression and explore ourselves in ways that most of the time we make very little time for. Knowing yourself is a core ingredient to a healthy sexual life with a partner.
How we can strengthen our relationships with the people we love (Credits: Pexel)
Dr. Oberdan also shared a few tips as to how can both singles and couples bounce back post-pandemic.
Eat well - a healthy gut plays a vital role to our mental health and overall mood.
Get a good nights sleep - rest your mind and body to maintain cognitive skills and regulate emotions. (Click here if you have trouble falling asleep).
Nurture your physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual bodies. Meditate for 10 minutes every day and reflect on yourself.
Nurture your relationships – work on strengthening the relationship you have with your loved ones every single day.
And most importantly, remember to work on being the best version of yourself, not just for the sake of your partner or the people around you, but for yourself, so you can be proud of the person you see in the mirror every single day.
For more information on Dr. Oberdan’s offerings including one-on-ones and retreats, click here.
For further reading on how to bring compassion into your life, click here.
