Desperately seeking solitude: Ways to get me-time when there’s no-time
Help for when hiding in the pantry to get away from it all is no longer an option
Text: Jo
When my husband and I got married and agreed to share a life together, we didn’t bank on sharing it for seemingly every single waking second of 2020. But a year of being in very close proximity for many, many months, working and socialising within our relatively small four walls, means there have been few moments for me-time and solitude.
I know, First World problems. But I’m not alone in missing my own space this year and the everyday moments that allow us to just ‘be’ (even if it’s sitting solo on the bus to work, taking a companionless lunch break or showering in silence). It turns out that no matter what our situation, we all need a little time to ourselves — even the extroverts.
Solitary benefits
“Many studies extol the benefits of being around people, after all, humans are social creatures,” says Karyen Chai, communications chair at Singapore Psychological Society and psychologist at Cog+ and The Therapy Platform. “But sometimes we do need time alone. Being around people can be very distracting and overwhelming, and our behaviours can also differ as we are simply more excited when around others.” When this is ongoing we can start to lose focus, struggle with decision making and feel anxious.
Time-out to yourself — even just ten minutes — can do wonders for your psychological wellbeing. Indeed, solitude has multiple benefits. It helps you to reboot your brain and unwind, provides you with time to think deeply, and the silent space gives you a break from sensory input, like Cobra Kai playing constantly in the background, or the sound of your partner or children clanking around in the kitchen while you’re mid-Zoom meeting.
Time please!
If you’re feeling snappy and short tempered, argumentative and on edge, these are signs that you could use some time-out. “Being away from people enables us to lower our arousal and lets us to relax and unwind,” says Karyen. “Individuals who are comfortable being by themselves experience deep mental clarity and increased productivity and creativity. Having time to think and reflect allows for development of self-awareness, which can lead to empathy.”
While things are definitely starting to pick up in Singapore, it’s going to be a while longer that we’re working from home. For most of us this is a positive thing: a survey by The Straits Times discovered that seven out of 10 people said working from home improved their mental health, and eight out of 10 workers said they prefer a WFH set-up. Here’s are a few ways to sneak in me-time when it feels impossible:
Figure out what alone time looks like
Alone time means different things to different people. Do you need to leave your house for a little while, preferring to go on a bike ride or hike? Or can you feel re-energised after five minutes in a room at home alone? “Start to acknowledge what you’re thinking and feeling —‘Cogito, Ergo Sum (I think, therefore I am)’,” says Karyen. “Our thoughts can get drowned out by the world around us. Start tapping into them and be guided by them.”
Set boundaries
Even if you’re super-clear that you only need “a minute” alone, it’s possible that you’re living with someone who doesn’t need (or understand) alone time. The first step is to have an open conversation with those you live with. Says Karyen; “Everyone needs to express their needs for solitude before they start to resent the other people in the house. Book me-time into your diary as you would any other appointment — and don’t let yourself down by missing it.”
Rise early
According to the Straits Times research, the top complaint among Singaporean workers about returning to the workplace was the resumption of their daily commute. So, use this new “extra time” while working from home to get up before everyone else. Start the day with a quiet meditation, some self-massage to get the bod moving, or just drink a cup of hot water and lemon to start your day well.
Start small
“Me time” doesn’t have to be a whole day at the spa. Just few minutes in the middle of the day works if that’s all you have. Instead of aiming for two episodes of The Queens Gambit, start small. Set aside shorter, more manageable amounts of alone time, so just five minutes to walk around the void deck or to do some quick stretching.
Nap it out
Power naps let the body rest and recuperate without the groggy feeling afterwards. Set twenty minutes aside each day to retreat to a room in the house with no distractions, and relish in the time to quieten your mind and dull your senses. For more tips, click here
Go inside
“Visualisation meditations help you get away without having to leave your home,” says Karen. “Picture yourself in your favourite place — under the stars at night or out in nature. Concentrate on what you see, feel, hear, touch, even taste. Imagine every detail, and you might forget where you really are for a second.”
Just breathe
If meditation seems overwhelming, try some simple breathing techniques. “Count as you are breathing in and as you are breathing out for as little as three minutes to reduce any stress and to slow down from the inside,” recommends Karyen.
It’s always good to talk …
If solitude still alludes you and is starting to impact your mental health, taking time out to time out to be alone with no-one but a trained professional who can provide support can be a great outlet for your thoughts and emotions. Click here to discover The Soothe’s round-up of reputable services.
