How to do long distance relationships during a pandemic

Stay positive, keep the spark alive and consider a ‘cyber shower’

Text: Leila Louise Fitton

While places such as France are letting lovelorn couples reunite, unfortunately not all countries consider love as essential during the pandemic. Travel bans across the globe are severely affecting those in long distance relationships (LDRs), hence the campaign #loveisessential currently trending on social media. Having gone nine months with my sweetheart on the other side of the planet, this is a subject close to my heart. 

The current border restrictions and travel ban caused by Covid-19 means that many couples don't know when they'll next be seeing each other. And for most LDRs, that next flight is the one thing that keeps us going. The Soothe speaks to three women who absolutely hate the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' right now. To phone sex or not to phone sex? is the more appropriate question. 

A year of unmet plans

Both nuts about surfing, Brenda and Piotr met eight years ago in West Java Indonesia, while on solo surf trips. 

"I left Malaysia in mid-March to meet Piotr in Indonesia for a quick surf trip, but when his flight from his home in Sweden was cancelled due to the pandemic, I ended on my trip alone,” explains Brenda. “We hoped to be reunited when Indonesia opened their borders in July, but that was cancelled due to rising Covid-19 cases.” 

The last time Brenda saw Piotr was mid-January.

“The feeling of lost hope has engulfed us regularly, but we're keeping positive. If we can go through this, we can go through other life hurdles to come," says Brenda. 

Meanwhile, Tia and Felix have been enjoying a long distance relationship since 2014 and keeping it fresh with surprise visits and meet-ups all over the world — their first date was in Gili Air, Bali, and their second date in Singapore. However, during a pandemic, the novelty of global dating became impossible.

"The last time I saw Felix was at Berlin airport in April," says Tia. “The pandemic hit so all of our plans to reunite have been cancelled over again. 2020's travel ban has brutally affected us. I want to be with Felix and feel at home again — which is anywhere, as long as we are together. Now we’re planning to get married. It wasn’t something we thought about before, but the pandemic has led us to discover that we’re not happy without each other."

For Elyza in KL, all plans for her LDR to move from Australia to be with her half been scuppered. 

"This year, Ed was going to make KL his base and we would find a house together. I was hoping this would be the year he’d ask my parent’s permission to marry me and propose,” she says. “The initial stages of lockdown didn’t really phase us, but eventually the frustration of not knowing when we would see each other again crept in. Ed is more emotionally resilient than me and over the past few months I've projected my depressive slumps onto our relationship. We both have down days, but it’s been important to keep hope and know that we are committed life partners."

Keep the spark

We have the world at our fingertips thanks to technology, so there are ways to withstand a LDR in times of crisis. Here, Tia, Brenda and Elyza share their tips on keeping the flame burning when you’re far apart. 

• "Both parties need to be equally as invested in making the long distance relationship work, braving the difficulties and hardships, and being ready to conquer it all no matter what. With that comes the ultimate test of trust" - Elyza

• "Trust is pretty much number one for both parties. Actions speak louder than words. Anyone can cheat, but it takes a lot of heart to be faithful" - Brenda

• "Have a timetable or set times to talk. This is particularly important to LDRs that are in different time zones" - Elyza

• "Since we aren't currently making memories together, reliving our trips through photos and videos helps a lot" - Brenda

• "We send cheeky selfies or videos here and there — they act more like surprises. We also share a 'shower' together sometimes which is always a cute and fun thing to do" - Elyza

• "Sex toys really help!" - Tia

• "Drop some lovely texts and voice notes when you get up or before bed to make your partner feel loved. Before the pandemic, our long distance relationship would consist of leaving sticky note messages in the luggage or jackets" - Brenda

• "Communication and sharing should be something that comes naturally because you want to tell your partner things; how your day was, the friends you’re meeting and how you're feeling. Ed is also my best friend and I tell him everything that is going on with me — good and bad" - Elyza

• "Maintain mutual respect. Whatever I do, I think ‘if Felix did the same, would I be okay with it?’” - Tia

• "Be understanding. It’s perfectly normal to have times when you don’t want to speak and there be absolutely nothing wrong, everyone is entitled to their 'me time.' Honesty goes a long way in this aspect. Be true about your feelings and trust that it has nothing to do with you or your relationship at all" - Elyza

• "I write letters to Felix. Sometimes I send pink balloons to his office to embarrass him. Or a plant. In return, Felix will get me gifts like a two-metre long iPhone charger! Gestures like this keep the spirits up" - Tia

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