Healing touch: Tips to feed the touch-starved

Ways to be safely tactile and stave off symptoms of skin hunger. Learn about the power of the healing touch

Text: Jo

If there was ever a time when we could all do with a collective cuddle, it’s now. But the year of 2020 has seen the enforcement of no-touch rules and generated a keep-your-hands-to-yourself mindset around the world. Of course, we know a ban on skin-to-skin contact is for our own health, but the result of life without hugs or a healing touch could actually lead to harmful effects on our mental wellbeing.

It turns out that touch starvation is a thing. “Also known as skin hunger or touch deprivation, it occurs when a person experiences little to no touch from other living things,” confirms Cindy Leong, a relationship coach and Enneagram trainer at Relationship Studio SG. “It’s happening now to everyone — even if you’re in a relationship you may not be immune — especially if it’s sexless or your love language is not based on intimacy.”

Humans are hardwired to crave interaction and physical contact is one our integral needs. There’s even a nerve ending (known as the not very catchy C-tactile afferent), which scientists have found exists to recognise any form of gentle healing touch.

Think about it: the minute we are born, we are moved to our mother’s breast for comfort and reassurance. According to research, skin-to-skin contact helps a baby’s body self-regulate, and when it comes to nurturing a little one, seventy five percent of heart and breathing episodes can be regulated, and pain has also been shown to decrease, thanks to the comfort of a loving hand.

Science reveals the same response to physical touch in adults. Pre-pandemic, a cheery pat on the back, workplace handshake, or a squeezed hand of support from a friend, were all vital for banishing touch starvation and promoting good mental, emotional, and physical health. Studies have even revealed that a touch from a stranger (without creepy undertones, thanks) can reduce feelings of loneliness.

“When we’re touched, we release oxytocin, the hormone responsible for regulating positive moods and making us feel happy,” explains Cindy. “One of the most important neurotransmitter systems in the brain, it helps to reduce cortisol and calm our heart rate and blood pressure.”

Oxytocin also regulates psychiatric responses to hormonal changes, such as postpartum depression; releases the natural antidepressant, serotonin; and the feel-good chemical, dopamine. Conversely, signs that you’re suffering from touch starvation can include feelings of depression, irritation, a sudden sense of loss, and difficulty sleeping.

Prior to the pandemic we were becoming less tactile, with reasons for this varying from a rise in technology, cultural factors and new conversations around the appropriateness of touch in certain situations. Now we’re feeling more isolated than ever due to the pandemic, it's paramount that we aim for more healing touch for the sake of our health. The good news is that there are ways to cope with being touch starved, even if the healing touch isn't coming from another person.

Here are a few handy (geddit?) tips:

8 ways to feed touch hunger

• Feel your feet
  “Going for foot reflexology, or massaging * your own feet can be profoundly comforting,” says Cindy. This ancient form of therapy (some evidence points to reflexology being practiced in China as long ago as 2330 B.C) works by stimulating the release of endorphins that reduce pain. It diminishes the negative effects of stress and restores balanced energy to the body.

• Find something furry
  We already know there are tonnes of benefits to being close to animals, but new research in 2019 confirmed that were huge reductions in the stress hormone cortisol from just 10 minutes of interaction with a furry friend. Don’t have a strokeable one near by? The Cat Café in Bugis is the place for you.

• Zone in on your vagus
  Your what? The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in your body and connects to your central nervous system. As it touches every major organ, and helps you to rest and digest, it’s wise to give it some TLC. You can stimulate your vagus nerve from the outside of your body by stroking the sides of your neck. Start behind your earlobe, then move your fingers to your collarbone. Repeat until you feel your breath deepen and jaw relax. You can also stimulate the vagus nerve through massaging or rubbing your feet.

• Work your ASMR response
  Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) videos are huge on YouTube as millions of people tune into the likes of women whispering, the folding of paper or the sound of knitting (to name but a few). According to science, these unique sounds stimulate the part of the brain associated with touch and connection. Many people describe the feeling as “tingles”; others say the feeling is deeply relaxing and can aid sleep. 

• Cuddle up in bed
  Nobody to snuggle up to? No matter! “A bolster mimics what it feels like to hug another person and sleeping with one can help to reduce stress and aid the body in releasing oxytocin,” says Cindy. We love this Bobtail bolster, SGD 35, by new local brand, Bedfolks. 

• Weight and see
  Weighted blankets give your body a sense of safety thanks to their deep pressure stimulation, which works to relax the nervous system. Says Cindy, “They’re great for calming anxiety because the weight of the blanket helps release feel-good chemicals, can promote deeper sleep and give your body a sense of safety.”

• You do you
  Get sensual with yourself. Use a body scrub in the shower and a soothing body oil afterwards. Take some time to pamper yourself slowly and with self-care. If you want to take the session to another level, add some audio erotica into the mix.

• Reconnect together
  If you’re in a relationship, don’t forget to keep on touching. “Touching can be sexual, but it can also be non-sexual and intimate,” says Cindy. “Stroke your partner’s back, touch their hair, or just brushing their bare leg can be an expressive way of telling them you’re there for them. Just sitting with your hips or feet touching is a way of connecting, and never stop holding hands!”

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