What is Birthday Anxiety?
Why we get anxious when our special day comes around and what we can do about it
Text: Shannon T
Our birthday is that one special day out of 365 where it’s completely acceptable to spend the day like a drama protagonist with everybody fussing over you. Yet not everybody is happy with all that extra attention.
Birthday anxiety is a very real emotional state that some people experience whenever that time of the year rolls around. Whether it’s being uncomfortable while all your family and friends fuss over you, not getting enough thought and care from the people that are close to you, or looking back over your life journey to date, birthday anxiety describes that panic, dread and unease that can haunt us for the days and weeks that lead up to the big day. We dissect several reasons why some people get the blues when it’s their birthday.
Some people don’t like being the centre of attention
Remember the time you were made to sit in front of your birthday cake, put on your best Pan Am smile and clap along while your family and friends, with them singing happy birthday in what feels like forever?
Social anxiety plays a role when we are the subject of a birthday party that we most likely didn’t plan. For those like us who prefer to stay out of the spotlight and not have everyone’s eyes on us, being the subject of a birthday party can be extremely uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking. To avoid that, you may want to plan your own birthday instead and only invite those that you truly care about and want them to be there on your special day.
On the flipside, some people may get anxious from not receiving as many birthday wishes, thought and care from people they expect, causing them to start questioning their relationships with others. If they really cared, why didn’t they show it? Especially when it comes to big milestones.
Birthdays remind us of milestones that we’re supposed to have attained by then
Whether it’s career achievements or life milestones like marriage or kids, nobody likes the feeling of supposedly falling behind the pack. For reasons unbeknownst, society has unspoken rules about what you are supposed to do at certain ages. Graduating at 25 and getting a full time job that same year, getting married before 30, having kids at 32, getting your solo BTO at 35 if you aren’t married by then…the list goes on.
Despite being advised to embrace ourselves and walk at our own pace, it’s hard to not compare ourselves with our peers when we are so connected. We can’t help being bombarded with milestone posts whenever we scroll through our social media feed, and don’t even get me started on those nosy relatives who love poking into our jobs and relationship statuses whenever they can.
Accepting that you are hitting milestones at different timings as your peers is easier said than done, but it’s crucial to helping you feel better about birthdays and yourself as a whole. Getting off social media (uninstall the apps from your phone if you need to) and communicating with your loved ones about the life choices you are making are some ways to mitigate those negative feelings.
Don’t get boxed up in society’s “age rules”. Ask yourself this - which credible figure in society is actually saying that you must do things by certain ages? The answer is no-one! Here are some examples of established figures who achieved success later in life:
· Formerly a figure skater and journalist, renowned fashion designer Vera Wang found her true calling in designing dresses after hitting 40.
· Stan Lee, the godfather of Marvel comics published his first comic book hit at 39 years old, despite being in the industry since he was only 17.
· JK Rowling, the author of the wildly successful Harry Potter series, was rejected by 12 different publishing houses before getting a contract offer from Bloomsbury at the age of 32.
· Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC and the man in the logo that is now displayed on storefronts around the world, perfected his fried chicken recipe at age 50, went through 1009 rejections before being given the chance to franchise his business. He was 62 years old then.
These are just a handful out of the many highly successful individuals who found their path later in life, but you get the point.
Making your special day look special is stressful
Birthdays in movies and on Instagram look like a blast and it’s understandable that you may crave for some of that action for yours. While social media is great for birthday reminders, we are also constantly worried that our special day won’t look fun and exciting enough for the ‘gram’.
The matter of fact is that when you decide to share about your birthday (or anything at all) on social media, you should be ready to handle the response or lack thereof. The most important thing, or the only thing that matters to be honest, is that you’ve enjoyed your day, the way you want it. The number of likes on your post shouldn’t change that.
Birthdays can lead to heavy thoughts on ageing and mortality
Let’s be real, nobody likes to be reminded that they are not getting any younger and another step closer to our demise. Birthdays brings into focus our inner worries about our health, our aging parents’ health, retirement finances and death. For adults who are approaching the age where perhaps their parents or a friend or partner passed, it can trigger anxieties around their own health and death. If your distress is starting to affect your daily activities, you may want to seek support from a GP or a mental health professional.
