‘How I learned to redefine success and find happiness’
Failure was unimaginable for Michael Callahan, until he realised how much over-achievement and complacency was harming him
Text: Michael Callahan
Every year on New Year’s Eve I would repeat the same quote to myself. It started as a young man, and it was still happening as a 42-year-old father, whether I was sleeping rough on a park bench in New York’s Battery Park, or in a business class seat whisking me to the hidden beaches of the Algarve. Over the years the scenery changed, but still the same seven words would pass my lips, “I will not wallow in my complacency.”
It was the life motto I lived by. While a seemingly simple statement, it stayed with me constantly and drove me to stay hungry for the ‘next level’. After every achievement, I’d always be looking towards the next goal. Complacency, after all, was not an option.
Next level success
What was the ‘next level’? For many years it was easily defined. Businesses were started, matured and eventually ran successfully on their own: 28 HongKong Street and Proof & Company Spirits. Awards and accolades — first regional, then international — came often: “Worlds 50 Best placements”, “Best International Bar” “Best International Bar Team”, and more. Materialistic desires (though quite modest in my case — taking friends on holiday, rescuing dogs, restoring a battered old vespa) were always obtained along the way. And, of course, I travelled to experience the places the young homeless version of me could only dream of.
They say the hardest thing for an artist is knowing when to stop adding to the painting; when to put the brush down and admire the hard work you’ve produced.
After years of accomplishments, the ‘next level’ gets harder to define. I was 37 and had just established Proof & Co’s offices in Hong Kong, and I was not sure where I fit in anymore. Everything was going well, but I only knew how to fight uphill. What happens when you reach your goals? Suddenly, the motto I lived by became both my reality and my downfall. I was becoming complacent, and not just that, but arrogant, too.
Hunger for adoration
Humility was buried under pride which resulted in anger. This started to reveal itself through my harsh judgement of others and my lack of patience with the industry, especially when I was no longer recognised in every conversation or awards-listing, or I failed to land a certain consulting account. My need for adoration soured to a bitter taste of self-disapproval. Based on previous endeavours, I expected the best for myself. I was at the top of my game …wasn’t I? In time, I started to scoff at the successful actions of others.
The frustration of not being at the leading edge led me to walk away from the food and beverage industry that I loved so much; the industry that despite great odds had provided a good life for me. I lost my direction. The ‘next level’ was nowhere in sight. Tragically, the things I was achieving in, such as mentoring and being an example of success through hard work, I failed to fully appreciate.
With hindsight I realised it was reaching simple goals that opened doors to loftier ideas. I’d had the admiration of my staff, an amount of healthy competition, and I’d been surrounded by support, but I’d missed the opportunity to bask in that. I was so driven that I never stopped to smell the flowers.
It was my business partner Celia who saved me. She saw my potential and had the fortitude to accept my arrogance and slowly wear down my pride. At the same time, she was strategically replacing it with audacious plans to build things far beyond what I had done before. Through her, I learnt about transformation and maturity both personally and professionally. Celia saw how to channel my fire while I began to recognise its destructive tendencies.
That was three years ago. Today, through mine and Celia’s work with The Compound Collective Consultancy and Restaurant Group, we are designing outlets, training new staff and inspiring new generations. The launch of Barbary Coast SG, our new restaurant concept on North Canal Road means we are back in operations and I have returned to where it all started.
Redefine success
However, I have been given the opportunity to rewrite my story. I have been able to mend burned bridges from the past when I was swallowed up by achievement and a bad attitude. Most importantly, I have started to redefine my definition of success. Now it’s less about awards and accounts, and more about my ability to separate work and life, to mentor and guide, and to be able to congratulate a friend (or rival) on a job well done.
These days I am proud to see friends as a community and not simply as contacts to add to my network. I get pleasure in opening doors for people, not using someone to open doors for me. Where success was once defined by what I had achieved, a far more rewarding definition of victory for me is what I can achieve for others.
“I will not wallow in my complacency” is no longer my mantra. It hasn’t been for a few years. Instead, I go by this: “When you change the way you see things, you change the things you see.” I will forever be grateful for the journey I’ve been on and the things I have learned along the way. Thanks to the amazing individuals that now surround me, I am well on my way to seeing real happiness, and there is nothing more successful than that.
