The art of sensual touch
Global Sexual Educator, Christina Antonyan, shares the lowdown on pleasurable touch
Text: Christina Antonyan
Anyone hot under the collar from watching Netflix Sex/Life’s Billie and Brody getting in some seriously steamy action? Even when they’re just touching one another you can feel the sparks fly. According to Christina Antonyan, there’s touch, and then there’s erotic touch (which is when things get interesting!). If you want to find out more about having enjoyable, healthy sex — and a better touch technique — she is your go-to.
A global sexual educator teaching adults how to understand their bodies, and co-founder of ConfidentLovers.com for over a decade, Christina has been exploring sexual health, sexual pleasure and the art of lovemaking to help those who want to elevate their knowledge and skills in bedroom arts.
She believes that a healthier and happier sex life starts with touch. When we’re touched, we release oxytocin, the hormone responsible for regulating positive moods and making us feel connected. One of the most important neurotransmitter systems in the brain, it helps to reduce cortisol and calm our heart rate and blood pressure.
Erotic touch can lead to a deeper connection and bond between you and your partner in the bedroom. Intrigued? Read on.
Why is touch so important to us both in and out of a relationship?
CA: Because it’s the first form of language we experience when we are born. Those of us who have been lucky to have parents who introduced us to the language of nurturing touch by holding us, caressing us gently and softly at birth is how we experienced feeling loved, nurtured and cared for. Touch for me is a silent language.
Cal Jung has a brilliant quote about touch, which says “Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain.”
This is perfect for couples, because when they feel disconnected or have a disagreement, they can solve it through contact in a form of dance, caressing, holding each other or by nurturing touch.
What is erotic touch, what are the benefits and how should it feel?
CA: Erotic touch is learning how to give care, love and pleasure with your hands — essentially communicating and building closeness between you and your partner without the use of words. Erotic touch goes beyond a stroke of the arm as you’re passing your other half in the kitchen but it’s the art of encouraging a deeper healthier connection. Also, it can be done with or without clothes, can be separate to sex or part of a healthy sex life, and doesn’t have to be by hands only – feathers, silk scarves, massage rollers, sensual oils etc all play a part.
Our hands are the most incredible tools of the human body and yet most of us have no idea how to use them to give pleasure.
And here is a fun fact, our fingertips have one of the highest density of receptors, since each fingertip has more than 3,000 touch receptors.
There are so many benefits to give and receive this type of touch:
Our body learns how to relax into pleasure and feel sensations it has never felt before because we have never given our body the chance to just relax and receive - this applies to everyone.
When we learn how to relax into pleasure our body starts to feel very subtle sensations that it hasn’t been able to feel.
You gain a deeper understanding of your partner’s body, desires and preferences.
You learn how to breathe deeply from the belly and circulate that arousal energy all throughout your body so it doesn’t only get stuck in the genitals.
There is no goal, in other words orgasm doesn’t become the goal, if it happens that’s fantastic, but if it doesn’t you are still immensely enjoying the experience. Plus, you get to try new hand movements you never knew were possible.
From teaching this type of touch professionally and personally, so many beautiful shifts have taken place for people. The most common shift for many people has been learning how to relax, surrender and allow themselves to feel deeply.
What advice would you give a couple who want to ‘touch better’?
CA: Touching without awareness, being nervous, touching mechanically, not being present, and not being able to read their partners body language of what feels good and what doesn’t.
Bad touch is like getting a bad massage, when the masseuse is mindlessly rubbing you while thinking about something else our body feels that and sometimes you walk out of there with more pain then you went in with.
How can people develop better body and touch awareness?
One of my favourite lines comes from a movie called Dangerous Beauty — There is a scene when the mother is preparing her daughter to be a courtesan and she says to her “How can you give pleasure when you don’t know what pleasure is”?
Everything starts from within. For me, developing body awareness and learning how to touch is the same. How can you give exquisite erotic touch when you haven’t allowed yourself to feel that type of touch?
This is why the first thing I tell my clients is to first start touching yourself slowly and sensually, preferably in front of a mirror or if you’re shy, close your eyes so your mind doesn’t get distracted.
You mentioned touch being a ‘silent language’ above. Is it best to keep quiet?
Sounds are a great way to communicate and tell your partner how much you’re enjoying their touch. However, this really depends on what the person is feeling as they are receiving this type of touch. I also love to include relaxing or sensual music. Breathe deeply from the belly and circulate the arousal energy upwards and always speak out if something doesn’t feel good.
What are the different kinds of erotic touch?
Caressing
Stroking
Tickling
Squeezing
Tapping
Slow, erotic, sensual touch allows you to feel what your lover’s body wants and how it responds to your touch. The best part of learning this type of touch is that it inspires you to get creative and playful which is very different than your habitual touch.
Please share some specific erotic touch techniques?
The most important technique is really to learn how to touch with presence and awareness. This makes all the difference. Learn to relax while giving as the person receiving your touch can feel if you are bored, uncomfortable or not present. To learn more, we share techniques on our Erotic Touch Course.
