How women can build healthy workplace relationships
Women at work - Its hard to create friendships at work, but you can build on professional bonding
Text: Grace Ma
While some companies discourage employees from forming friendships at work, research has shown that stronger workplace relationships enhance productivity. A Gallup poll showed that two-thirds of the women surveyed said that the social aspect of their jobs is the “major reason” why they work.
However, building healthy relationships take effort. In a pandemic where face-to-face interaction is limited, the challenges are amplified. Elaine Kim, co-founder of CRIB, a social enterprise that empowers women to fulfil their business dreams while achieving work-life balance, shares that women tend to second-guess themselves when relating to others.
“We tend to lack confidence. We wonder whether what we do is the right thing. The workplace culture is such that women are expected to show more humility than men and it’s frowned upon when we speak about our achievements or ourselves.”
Image source: Trehaus
You can’t please everyone
Kim, who is also the co-founder and CEO of Trehaus, which offers hotdesking and office space with a pre-school and childcare, says that one of the hardest lessons she has learnt is that she could not — and should not — please everyone. There is also no need to be fearful of asserting feminine leadership qualities such as empathy, compassion and collaboration. What is more important is authenticity — relating and leading with integrity and honesty.
“I’ve found that it’s so helpful to be open and honest with people and over-communicate, especially when we’re not meeting face-to-face as often right now. That is how people will trust and respect you.” Kim says that she often asks for, and makes herself receptive to, constructive feedback from her teams. She also emphasises a “no politics” culture at work. “If we notice something negative happening, we address it as soon as we can.”
For women returning to the workforce after a period of absence, it can be a double whammy of self-doubt and adjustment, even for those who have previously held senior roles.
Image credit: Sher-li Torrey
Sher-li Torrey, founder and director of Mums@Work, which supports mumpreneurs and mothers seeking flexi- or full-time work, notes that women often have to fight labels such as being over-emotional at work. Due to this, some women may swing to the other extreme to be objective, impartial and logical for the sake of career advancement even when they would like to build meaningful relationships, which are fundamentally emotionally driven.
Her advice? Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses and build a network where you fit in easily. Suspend assumptions about your colleagues and take time to get to know who they really are. Consciously create a common ground with the people you work with.
Strengthen mental fortitude
Confidence is also key. “Very often, office politics are driven by fear and insecurity,” Torrey says. “If you lack confidence in your own abilities, trying to build healthy relationships at work will always be an uphill battle.”
Another tip: communicate with your boss on your struggles. Torrey cited the example of a mum who returned to the workforce as a consultant and was often torn between spending time with her children and bonding with her new team over after-work drinks. Her boss, a father himself, suggested that she did “conscious socialising”, where she would purposefully set aside one evening to hang out. On that day, she would go home earlier to put her kids to bed before heading out again. “It was a brilliant idea,” says Torrey. “It allowed her to engage with her colleagues without feeling guilty as a mum.”
Image credit: Daniel Lim
Daniel Lim, a serial entrepreneur and a leadership coach, has a thought-provoking way of tackling relationship struggles at work — strengthen your mental fortitude.
“The root cause is always our thoughts. To treat the root cause is to start with what's in our brains. Whatever your issue is, you are likely to believe that you are a victim of your circumstances and that your circumstances are causing you emotional pain. Whatever has happened or is happening to you doesn't cause you the suffering. It's always your thinking that is causing the emotional pain.”
However, this doesn’t mean you should quietly condone other people’s bad attitudes and behaviour. “It's simply taking complete responsibility for our own minds, which drive actions and create the results in our lives. Knowing this reclaims all your power and makes all the difference. Your external circumstances can stay exactly the same but your relationship with them changes. That’s something you have 100% control over.”
“It only takes one person to make a relationship better; it can start with you.”
