Your sex life sorted: 8 sex & body questions you’re too embarrassed to ask
If you’ve got questions about your body and sexual health, The Soothe offers help on how to cure sex problems from female ejaculation to sex after giving birth
Text: Jo
How long should sex last? What is female ejaculation? What’s happened to my sex drive? While sex is everywhere, it’s still a subject that is not talked about that openly (unless we’ve had a few glasses of vino). Many of us feel uncomfortable about raising questions about sex, sexual health issues or sex problems and would rather turn to google than a gyno when it comes to the nitty-gritty, icky, itchy, and downright confusing aspects of our bodies and sex life.
But knowledge is power. When armed with reliable information we can all feel confident about our sexual health and make informed decisions. For this reason, The Soothe has saved your blushes and is offering help on how to cure sex problems by speaking to Dr Rebecca Daly of International Medical Clinic (IMC) in Katong about some of your most embarrassing questions and about your body and sex. You’re welcome.
I often feel like I’m going to pee during sex. Is this even possible?
Dr Daly: The sensation of needing to pee during sex is more common than you think, partly due to the position of the bladder, sitting right next to the vagina.
A sense of urgency to pass urine during sex can result from irritation of the urethra (opening to the bladder) during intercourse with vaginal dryness. Lubricants during sex, vaginal moisturizers long term and, for some, vaginal oestrogens can help. On the same note, peeing after sex is recommended to prevent cystitis, as this helps flush any bacteria out of the urethra, particularly pertinent for women prone to UTIs. It is important to note that it will not prevent STIs or pregnancy.
Is female ejaculation an actual thing, and what’s it all about?
Dr Daly: There has been much debate over female ejaculation, and it still puzzles scientists to this day. A common thought is that during orgasm some women secrete fluid from the skene glands, often dubbed the “female prostate”. These glands are found just next to the opening to the bladder. The function of this fluid is not understood, and not to be confused with secretions from the vagina to lubricate sex or the passing of urine during sex.
The G-spot: fact or fiction, and how many G-spot does a woman have?
Dr Daly: The G spot is also called the Grafenberg spot (named after a German gynaecologist) and has been studied since the 1940s, yet disagreement over its existence continues. It’s described as an erogenous area of the vagina 5–8cm up the front of the vaginal wall and stimulation of this area is thought to lead to orgasm. Indeed, MRI and ultrasound scans have shown the tissue of the G spot to be thickened and that it reacts differently during orgasm in some women. Some evidence shows the G spot is an extension of the clitoris and is linked by a nerve supply.
Is there a particular sex position that best leads to pregnancy?
Dr Daly: The missionary or doggie-style positions allow for deeper penetration and bring semen closer to the cervix. Standing positions are less beneficial, as gravity is against you, although the myth that you cannot get pregnant standing up is incorrect. The key is having regular sex every other day and try to keep it relaxed.
How will my vagina change after having a baby? Will it be bigger and what about sex after giving birth?
Dr Daly: Firstly, congratulate yourself on an incredible achievement of growing and giving birth to a baby. Remember the vagina and pelvic wall muscles stretch up to three times their normal amount during birth to let the baby through the birth canal, so it might take a little while until things go back to how they were before.
Initially, the vagina might feel wider or sore. It could look bruised. You may have had a tear at delivery, or the doctor may have needed to perform an episiotomy (cut) to aid the delivery. But the body is a remarkable healer and the swelling and openness soon settles within the first few days to weeks. Most women can resume healthy and fulfilling sex lives after having a baby, once they feel physically and emotionally ready to do so.
Is it normal for a man to fake orgasms?
Dr Daly: A Canadian study published in the scientific Journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy revealed that men fake orgasms in 1 in every 4 sexual encounters. Most men admitted they faked orgasm to avoid disappointing their partner; other men admitted the cause was being too drunk.
Men can easily fake an orgasm, but faking ejaculation is not as easy. Most people view sex as “over’ when the man ejaculates. Coupled with the gender stereotype that men are always up for sex, it is all too easy to have huge internal expectation. Just like women, men might not be feeling it or may need more stimulation to feel ready for sex. Perhaps taking the pressure off the destination and enjoying the journey and connection with your partner could lead to less faked orgasms.
Is it possible to have too much sex? Will it make my vagina feel ‘loose’?
Dr Daly: There is no limit on sex or what constitutes a healthy amount, as long as sex is consensual and safe. The compulsive disorders of sex addiction aside, the downside of having more sex than usual is vulva irritation or soreness, or an increased tendency to urinary tract infections, often called “honeymoon cystitis’. Sex cannot make your vagina too lax; on the contrary, it could help tone the pelvic floor.
Can exercise lead to a better sex life, and if so, what should I be doing?
Dr Daly: Keeping physically fit and flexible can help in the bedroom department, increasing stamina and allowing you to engage in sexual positions comfortably. Core training with abdominal crunches and planks help you hold positions and maintain balance. Pelvic floor muscles for both men and women can intensify orgasm. Feeling toned, body confident and keeping stress levels down can also work wonders for libido.
Dr Rebecca Daly is a UK-trained doctor based at the International Medical Clinic (IMC) in Katong. She has an interest in women’s health and sexual health, having completed the Diploma of Obstetrics and Gynaecology (UK) in 2006 and the Diploma of Sexual and Reproductive Health (UK) 2009.
