Don’t be scared: A guide to overcoming fear, worry & anxiety
Nine steps to feeling success and power in your life through facing your irrational fears
Text: Louise Murray
For most of us, fear — in all its forms, from slight hesitations to debilitating anxieties — is so present it feels normal, now more than ever. But what would our lives look like if we didn’t give into these irrational fear? Exploring this gives you the tools to kickstart the process of overcoming fears and living a happier, healthier life.
Fear is powerful. It prevents us from achieving our goals and living our best lives. It fuels stagnation and keeps us from taking advantage of opportunities. Fear can shatter dreams, prevent you from achieving major breakthroughs and is the root cause why so many of our talents, hopes and wishes remain unexpressed.
However, it's not actual fear that is holding you back — it's the made-up story that you tell yourself about the fear, such as it’s stealing your happiness, your peace of mind or your ability to unleash your potential. But a life lived without fear is not only something we all deserve; it’s something that is possible for all of us, without exception.
Not all fear is bad
It’s important to note that not all fear is bad. Healthy fear helps us discern safe situations from dangerous ones and we need this for our survival and protection. For example, it keeps you from placing your hand too close to a flame. There is also a type of healthy fear that’s based in reality, but it is not based on physical danger. Examples would be the fear of losing the people we love most, never achieving our dreams, or even the fear of our own death.
It’s irrational fear that you want to work towards releasing from your life. You know you’re experiencing it when you are having a fear response to something hypothetical or totally non-existent. An illogical fear is almost always associated with a “What if…?” It’s the type that keeps you worried, frantic and insecure. If we let it, this kind of fear can keep us locked up in the prison of the comfortable and predictable, which prevents us from reaching our true potential.
The thing about our irrational fears is that the only thing providing them sustenance is ourselves. So that means you have the power to eradicate them. Once you make the decision to give your fears the boot, they no longer have a place in your mind and therefore, no place in your life. In the absence of the fear, your life will begin to unfold in incredible ways.
The process of releasing irrational fear and overcoming fear from your life begins from the moment you decide that irrational fear is no longer an option. Once you do this, you shift your consciousness and can take action. Think about it this way: what would you do if you weren’t afraid?
Here are a few tips on overcoming fears:
Acknowledge your fear. This is a huge first step. Many of us have fears, but they are at the back of our mind, unnoticed, unacknowledged, as we try to ignore them. But they are there. And they affect us, every day, all our lives. So acknowledge the fear.
Write it down. What’s your fear? Write it down on a piece of paper. Doing so not only acknowledges that you have it, but it takes the fear from the dark places in the back of your mind, where it has power over you, out into the light of day, outside of you, where you have control. Writing it down takes it outside you so you can do something about it. You can rip it up, burn it, crumple it up…exert power over your fear!
Feel the fear. You have acknowledged your fear and started to take control of it by externalising it, but you’re still probably afraid of it. Perhaps you’re even embarrassed about it. So, the next step is to recognise that you’re not alone, that we ALL have these fears. Repeat after me: there’s nothing wrong with having this fear. Now allow yourself to feel it. Experience it fully. Bask in this fear. It isn’t as bad as you think. It’s a part of you, but it doesn’t control you.
What’s the worst thing that can happen? Often it’s not as bad as we think. Do you fear failing in a new career? What would happen if you did? You’d get another job. You’d move on. You’d live. Do you fear being rejected by someone of the opposite sex? What would happen if you were? You’d lick your wounds, you’d find someone else who is more suited for you, you’d live.
Feel the fear and do it anyway. To beat the fear, you have to just do it. The only way you’ll ever be able to overcome fear is to face it and embrace it. You need to form a realistic outlook on fear and gradually expose yourself to the things you’re worrying about. Try and focus on how you will feel afterwards —how exhilarated and proud. So many more opportunities will come your way if you take action rather than stay stagnant. Amazing things begin to take place for those who feel the fear and still take action.
Preparation is essential. When you’re going to take on a fear, prepare yourself. Have a plan. If you fear failure for something (a presentation, a meeting, a competition etc) practice, practice, practice, then come up with a plan to succeed. Get all the skills and info you need to implement the plan, then practice some more.
Be in the moment. Fear of failure, and other illogical fears, are fears of the future. We get caught up in worrying about what might happen. Instead, banish all thoughts of the future. Banish thoughts of past mistakes and failures. Focus on right now. Do something right now to beat your fears, to pursue your dreams, and forget about what might happen. When you find yourself thinking about the past or future, bring yourself back in the moment and focus on what you’re doing right at this moment.
Small steps. Conquering fears and pursuing a life goal can be overwhelming and intimidating. So just take one little baby step with something you know you can do. Then feel good about that and take another small baby step. Keep doing this, and soon you’ll have conquered a mountain.
Celebrate every success. Every single thing you do right, celebrate! Even the smallest little thing. Use this feeling of success and victory to propel yourself forward.
About the author
Louise Murray is a holistic health coach with the qualification from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and a mindfulness teacher. She takes a truly holistic approach to health and wellness by nourishing people ON and OFF the plate by coaching them with nutrition advice combined with lifestyle and behaviour change, healthy habit formation, mindset tools, mindfulness and self-care practices.
