How to beat body shame and bullying
Words hurt, but knowledge is power. Its all about managing your insecurities and self-love
Text: Sam Y
If you’ve ever been body shamed, you know that the saying ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ is absolute rubbish. Recipients of phrases such as the lovely “You need to lose weight”, “You’re brave to wear that dress” and “Why so skinny? You need to eat more” know that these words — even when said as a flippant comment or in ‘jest’ — cut way, way deep.
Body shaming does not favour either of the sexes. Both men and women suffer from the after affects and pressure that it puts on them. According to a report in The Straits Times, the number of young people in Singapore who suffer from eating disorders has risen during the past few years thanks to social media where habits of body-praising and body-shaming are rife. Indeed, even during a pandemic, when we are cut off from the rest of society, social media comments about binging on comfort food and Covid-induced weight gain pop up as often as reminders that we need to wear our mask.
Why do it?
Everyone knows about the harmful effects of body shaming, but why then, do people do it? “People shame others for various reasons –– it’s common that the one doing the shaming is insecure about themselves in the first place, and are projecting onto others what they feel about their own physical features,” says Dr Kim Lian Rolles-Abraham, Clinical Psychologist at Better Life Psychological Medicine Clinic.
Dr Rolles-Abraham explains that this cruel commentary is known as ‘downward social comparison’ –– where one individual focuses on those they deem to be ‘worse off’ and put them down as a bid to elevate their own status. “Subconsciously, it makes the shamer feel like they’re in a better position relatively if they’ve put another person down. Hence, this allows the insecure shamer to feel a little more secure about themselves.”
In addition, someone may body shame as a way to attack a person they feel wronged by –– the body is something we’re first exposed to so it’s an easy target. “It seems like the most accessible thing to talk about in a derogatory manner, especially if there’s nothing else they can pick on someone about,” continues Dr Rolles-Abraham. “It’s also a way of attacking a person if they’re unable to directly address another underlying issue that may be bothering them about that person.”
Post-traumatic symptoms
The effects of body shaming on the victim are widely known, detrimental and longstanding. According to Dr Rolles-Abraham, body shaming challenges the victim’s self-worth, and can cause them to develop depressive symptoms, post-traumatic symptoms and potential mental health issues. She says, “It may also cause them to become extremely reserved, withdrawn and socially anxious. They may start to avoid social interactions for fear of encountering similar experiences of body shaming and having to deal with its aftermath again.”
To ensure that we’re careful not to harm another person with our comments, she suggests that we reflect over a few meaningful questions. Firstly, are our comments, beneficial, kind or necessary? And if not, would they be something we’d like said of us? “Putting ourselves in the shoes of another is helpful when we question what to do or say in life,” she says.
Also helpful is understanding what the person doing the shaming is likely to be experiencing, as they are likely to suffer negative consequences from their own behaviour. “By shaming others, it confirms the fact that body shaming in fact exists, and that in turn, they too could be judged negatively for their physical traits,” Dr Rolles-Abraham explains. She elaborates that it also causes the shamer to place undue emphasis on physical appearance for themselves –– if they judge someone based on this criteria, surely they must feel the need to maintain a certain outward image, too?
If you are suffering from body-shaming, bullying or have feelings of low self-esteem, it may help to speak to an expert who can provide support and advice. Please log onto our list of psychologists in Singapore here.
