Signs that alcoholism is ruining your relationships (without you realising)
Discover how drinking excessively has a negative impact on your relationships and treatments for alcoholism.
Text: Sam Y
Ahhh, alcohol. Most of us have a personal relationship with it, whether it’s the party-starter we need for a good night out, or the signal that it’s time to stop working each day. But have you ever stopped to consider how your relationship with alcohol is impacting your connection to those closest to you?
Not all alcohol consumption is bad. In moderation, alcohol can even improve cardiovascular health, control cholesterol and boost bone health on top of adding a little zing to your dinner party. Having said that, alcohol abuse is one of the most common mental disorders in Singapore. According to a Singapore Mental Health Study the lifetime prevalence of alcohol abuse among women increased from 1.2 per cent of the population in 2010 to 1.7 per cent in 2016, indicating that the bond we have with the bottle is not a particularly healthy one.
When an appreciation for alcoholic drinks spirals into alcoholism, relationships between family, friends and loved ones can suffer the most, and it’s often the abuser who’s the last one to realise it. Here’s how to recognise if your drinking habit is taking its toll and what you can do about it.
What’s the problem?
“When drinking begins to interfere with daily functioning, negatively impacts relationships, or results in dangerous decision making like high risk sexual behaviour and drunk driving, it’s time to evaluate your drinking behaviour,” says Maria Luedeke, Counsellor and Psychotherapist at Aspire Counselling. Have you ever wanted a drink so badly, you couldn’t think of anything else? Have you continued to drink even though it made you feel depressed, anxious or added to another health problems? Have you tried to cut down or stop drinking, but couldn’t? Alcohol addiction — or alcohol use disorder — can have varying degrees of severity. If these are issues that you struggle with, we highly recommend reaching out to a professional to determine if you really need help.
Are the signs there?
According to Maria, there are a few signs that alcohol abuse is starting to have a detrimental impact on those around you. These include having constant arguments with your partner or loved ones over your alcohol use, an impaired ability to be present in relationships, carrying out physical or emotional abuse on your loved ones as a result of excessive drinking, and experiencing regret over things you’ve said or done while under the influence.
In a questionnaire by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Singapore, some of the subjects to face include:
Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted a few days?
Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Have you switched from one drink to another in the hope it would prevent you from being drunk?
Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
What you can do about it
“As with all mental health issues, every individual responds differently to treatment for alcoholism. What works for one person doesn’t work for another so it is important to have personalised interventions,” says Maria, who recommends abstaining from alcohol for at least some period of time, creating alcohol-free environments and relationships, and participating in therapy to address the underlying issues causing the alcohol abuse.
Addictions take time to form, so they also take time to overcome. As alcoholism is a chronic relapsing disorder, it means that those afflicted may still compulsively seek alcohol despite realising its harmful effects. “Most treatment programmes focus on helping the individual create a new sober life, engage in healthy pursuits to better manage stressful triggers, and practice preventative self-care (which we should all be focused on doing anyway),” Maria says.
Moving forward
Joining Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a great place to start. Here you can join weekly meetings to connect and be encouraged by those who understand your position. They also provide online sessions to cater for those who prefer to stay home in the midst of the pandemic. It’s also reassuring to know that when the time comes to socialise again, there are many non-alcoholic brands in the local market to support you on your journey.
If you find yourself in a relationship with, or living under the same roof as an individual struggling with alcohol addiction, and you need support and assistance, reach out to a therapist or addictions expert for advice. Read through The Soothe’s list of licensed mental health professionals in Singapore, or approach addiction treatment centres such as The Cabin or The National Addictions Management Service to get treatment for alcoholism.
